God's "Unconditional Love" is also known as Agape love. It is the highest form of love. There are four kinds of love: Agape, Phileo, Storage and Eros. Phileo love is brotherly love or love for friends. Storage love is natural affection, a sense of belonging to each other or love for a family member or spouse. Eros is sexual love or romantic love. People often confuse God's "sacrificial love" for mankind as the same type of "Unconditional love" a parent has for a child. They are not the same even though, as parents we should strive to obtain or achieve Agape love for all mankind (including our children). How is that possible? As "born again" Christians scripture notes that we should love as Jesus did. Jesus was both the Son of God and God; therefore, his love for his fellow man was Agape love. Scripture says that we are to love our enemies, to love our neighbor as we love ourselves and to love God with all of our strength, heart, mind and soul---to love Him first above all others.(Mark 12:29-31, Mark 6:27,28) We can only achieve that type of love that Jesus spoke of by submitting everything we are,all of us (body, mind and spirit) and everything we have (all of our material possessions) to God, for His will and His glory. It can only happen with Jesus "in" us by the Holy Spirit. Does this happen automatically when we accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior? That you automatically/instantaneously love your enemies and all mankind (Your neighbor) as God loves them or is it something we have to work out with God's help over time as He removes layer after layer of worldly thinking and peel off the old flesh since we have become " New Creatures". Phillippinians 2:12 states ".... work out your salvation with fear and trembling...." This means that we are to continually pursue obedience to God in the process of santification. We are to press on toward the goal of being more like Jesus Christ (to love as He does) by reading,studying and being obedient to His word. (Phillippinians 3:13-14) In "fear and trembling" means a healthy fear,a reverentail fear of God and obedience to Him.
God's "Unconditional Love" is unconditional because He first loved us. God's love is a love that initates; it is never a response. He initiated His love for us so there is nothing we can do to gain His love, earn His love or deserve it because of our works or righteouness. Again as noted earlier God's love for us is a "sacrifical" love.( John 3:16) Before we were born and while we were yet sinners He sacrificed His only Son for us. Do parents love their child/children? Yes,of course, but their love (even before the child is born) is not God's "Unconditional Love". Parental "Unconditional Love" is human not Godly. The two are not the same? When you tell a child that Jesus loves them and that Father God loves them it is not the same as telling them that Mom or Dad loves them. God's love is the highest form of love. First, because God is love! And also because His very nature is love and the expression of His being. Human beings (Mothers and fathers) are mortal not devine by nature or godly. They also are not perfect and make mistakes.
A parent's love is characterized by a will to protect their child, keep him/her safe,care for him/her, and nurture him/her. A parent's love is giving,trusting and sharing. A parent's "Unconditional Love" does not mean agreement with your child's actions. It does not mean forgoing discipline because loving your child means correcting them by directing them into positive/right behaviors. Discipline will help them improve their character and help them develop self control. (Proverbs 13:24, Proverbs 22:15, Proverbs 19:18.)
Don't confuse " Parental Unconditional love" with being judgmental, with parental guidance or parental correction. You are not judging their behavior,but using discipline as a teaching tool to guide them. Reaffirming your love for them through discipline or guidance is also not punishment. You are not punishing them,but giving them positive reinforcement that you care for them,want the best of them and want them to be safe and not get hurt or injured. Parental "Unconditional Love" does not condemn the child's wrong actions, but lovingly leads them back to the path that God wants them to follow.
A parent's "Unconditional Love" includes tough love at times because a strong dose of tough love may be the appropriate recourse to help someone get off the road of destruction they are on especially if they have been on it for sometime. (Of course, using tough love is usually in the case of older children---17,18,19, 20 yrs old or older.) Also when we shield loved ones from the consequences of their errors by omission or equivocation we often deprive them of the opportunity for the growth and maturity that could possibly eradicate their problematic behavior. Sometimes in the case of older children by allowing them to continue in their behavior without parental interference or parental help forces them to seek repentance and forgiveness when they have no one else to turn to and come to a realization of the wrong choices they have made.If the life style they are living no longer has any incentives for them to continue living a rebellious or sinful life then there may be an opportunity for you as a parent to save them from themselves. (Hebrews 12:11) In some cases, allowing them to reach the end of their rope and discovering for themselves that wrong choices do affect their lives may be the right course of action depending on the severity of those choices.( Tough love isn't easy for parents and they must be ready to apply it without hesitation when the situation demands such action).
The action a parent takes depends on the age of the child. When a child is 2 yrs old, 5 yrs old, or 8 or 9 years old a spanking may be the appropriate method of discipline. Along with other measures if necessary. "Time Out" should not be an option if you just send them to their room where they have TV, toys, a computer, DVD's, CD's,etc. "Time Out" should mean sitting still on a chair, on the floor ,in a corner,etc., doing nothing except thinking about what they did and why it was wrong. Of course, you have already explained why they are going to "Time Out" and You decide when "Time out" is over NOT the child.
When a child becomes a teenager, 13-17, spankings or corporal discipline may not be appropriate any more and other measures must be applied such as: revoking certain privileges, limiting outside(outside the home or school) involvement in certain functions or activities ( going to football games, sports events,karate lessons, dancing school, soccer practice, etc.) requiring additonal chores ( cleaning the bathroom, putting out the garbage,etc) or temporarily eliminating specific things from their daily routine that they enjoyed doing.( eating pizza, watching TV, using the computer,using a cell phone,etc). There are any number of alternative methods.
When the child is a young adult (18 to 20) and still living at home discipline may involve not allowing them access to a family car(other than necessary travel to and from a required destination i.e. school or work), not helping them financially with providing funds,( no allowance, no funds for entertainment--videos, DVD's, music CD's, going to the movies,etc.) requiring they attend church counseling or Bible based counseling for their specific behavior,etc. You could also require them to do community service by working at a shelter serving the homeless food ,working in the Church nursery, helping the elderly at a nursing home,etc.
If they have left home, moved into an apartment on their own, moved away to another town or state,but have become involved in negative and/or unchristian behaviors you can offer to help them yourself or get them help--- especially if it involves health concerns.( STDs--- Sexually Transmitted Diseases,alcoholism, drug addiction,etc) If they don't want or need your help---just pray for them, remind them that sin has consequences and that they can always come home.Try speaking into their lives and always point them to Jesus for salvation and the Bible for answers. A parental rebuke is also important to make them understand how serious a matter their sin is and what it has done to your relationship. Of course, the rebuke should be done in a loving caring way. If they want to return home--- welcome them,but depending on their behavior (if they are continuing to live in a sinful life style and have not repented or asked God for forgiveness) then you must lay down some requirements or ground rules for them to live in your house and they have to be aware that their consent or agreement is required in order to move back in. Such requirements or ground rules may consist of : no drugs, no smoking, no alcohol. They can't bring any friends over to your house that are doing drugs, drinking, smoking or involved in criminal activity,etc. If they agree to those terms and they appear to be open to changing their life style you could also suggest that they attend Christian counseling. In addition, unless they are attending school full time : a trade school,community college,etc. they should have a full time job. They can't sit home,watch TV, have friends over to eat your food and do nothing. It is Your house and you are a Parent not their roommate or buddy. Of course don't ever give them money to support their habit--- whatever it is: drinking, drugs. gambling, porn,etc. Don't become a co dependent by funding their addiction or sinful life style. Unless and until they have proven that they are financially responsible also do not loan them any money or co sign for anything.
Parental "Unconditional Love" does not mean that you lower YOUR standards for your child. It does not mean making excuses for your child's behavior or allowing them to continue in the negative/wrong behavior without discipline. Don't try to be a friend to your child they need a parent ---- not a buddy.
Parental "Unconditional Love" does not mean that by rejecting your child's behavior that you are rejecting the child. It doesn't mean lowering your expectations, but instead expecting consideration, respect, honesty, and responsibility from them. Parental "Unconditional Love" does not mean blindly accepting excuses or lies for your child's negative patterns of behavior.
Even though God's "Unconditional Love" and "Parental Unconditional Love" are not the same, they do have some things in common. God's "Unconditional Love" for mankind is not a license for people to live in sin and disobedience. A parent's "Unconditional love" for a child is also not a license to sin or to be disobedient.
Many youth (teenagers) and "adult" children(21 or older) wrongly assume that because their mother and father love them and will always love them no matter what they do---- that they can do whatever they want to do. They think God feels the same way since--- He is love.
Just as God's "Unconditional Love" includes: discipline, judgement and punishment so too a parent's " Unconditional love" at times may also include: discipline,judgment and punishment.( Habakkuk 1:3, Luke 11:23, Proverbs 1:8, 10 Proverbs 1:23-31 Proverbs 12:1)
Through out the Bible from Genesis to Revelation there are numerous examples of God's discipline judgment and punishment. God's "Unconditional Love" is for everyone just as His offer of salvation; however, in order to BE loved, to feel God's love you must first accept His love. It is there waiting for you. You only have to acknowledge it to receive it.Just as His salvation is a "free" gift that you can't earn,buy or work for--- so is His love. To receive His salvation, to be saved, you only have to accept the offer and acknowledge Jesus as your Lord and Savior. Belief in Him! (is the only requirement) With God's love ---first you must believe there is a God. Then believe that He alone is the God of the Bible,(there are no other gods) you can know Him through His word (the Bible) and have a relationship him.
Everyone is familiar with the parable of the sower and the seed. (Mark chapter 4:1-20.) The parable teaches many things,but it notes that not everyone will be saved, that not everyone will be accepted by God to go to heaven or have their names written in the Lamb's Book of Life. It teaches that not everyone will accept God's "Unconditional Love ' for themselves. Therefore, even though God's "Unconditional Love" is available for everyone doesn't mean that just because God loves everyone that they will automatically go to heaven.
His love for Adam and Eve didn't prevent Him from casting them out of the Garden. His love didn't protect Samson when he sinned against God or stop Him from punishing the Nation of Israel when they committed idolatry and disobedience. God's " Unconditional Love" doesn't prevent the consequences of sin from happening. Throughout the Bible: Samson, Saul, David ,Adam, suffered from the wrong choices that they made. Their disobedience and self will,selfishness,brought painful results--including death. Scripture states that God will not be mocked. An individual can not lead a sinful life,continually sin,
and expect blessings from God. Luke 11:23 states "He who is not with me is against me."
In the parable of the woman caught in adultery (John Chapter 8:1-11) ,Jesus did not say she wasn't guilty of sin, He did not excuse the sin or overlook it. He said" Neither do I condemn you; go, and do NOT sin again." Her accusers were gone. Under Jewish law it took at least two witnesses to testify against the accused, no one came forward--so no one was there as a witness. Under Jewish law both the man and the woman were to be stoned to death if found guilty,but the Scribes and Pharisees didn't bring the man--- so the law was not followed in charging just her with adultery. That's why Jesus said " Neither do I condemn you...." not because she wasn't guilty or had not sinned,but because the law had not been followed civilly she was not guilty. He didn't pardon her sin as a civil authority. But He did tell her NOT to sin any more. He didn't say, "ok, woman you got off this time just don't get caught again. And because of God's "Unconditional Love" go and sin a few more times--- then stop."
In the parable of the Prodigal Son ( Luke 15:11-32) the youngest son in the family decides that he wants his inheritance now instead of waiting. He takes all of his money leaves the country and spends all the money on wine ,women and riotous living. Scripture says he spent it on " parties and prostitutes". After spending all his money and coming to the end of himself, scripture notes a great famine had struck and he had nothing to eat. He finally got a job feeding pigs and was so hungry that even the pig food looked good enough for him to eat,but no one even gave him that. It was then when he had reached the depths of his despair that he "came to his senses" He repented of his sins against God and his father and asked for forgiveness. He decided to return home even if he had to work as a slave or hired servant in his father's house.
The parable is about many things including: restoration,salvation, compassion, mercy and forgiveness. It is also about God allowing the prodigal son to use his "free will" to choose to sin and walk away from everything good and righteous his father had taught him. God's "Unconditional Love" does not force those He loves to act rightly because they have to, but because they love Him want to please Him. The wayward, rebellious son wasted his life in sinning against God and his father until things got so bad that he had come to the end of his rope. He was starving to death. God's "Unconditional Love" didn't protect the prodigal son from himself. He willfully chose to ignore what he had been taught. God's "Unconditional Love" doesn't stop someone from ignoring their conscience (knowing right from wrong) and rebelling against God. Scripture says that God will not contend with man forever (Genesis 6:3, Romans 1:24-32,Romans 2:5-8) that people who continually, knowingly, willfully sin will receive a seared conscience ( it no longer functions to warn them what is right from wrong) and that their hearts will be hardened against the things of God. (1 Timothy 4:2 and Romans 2:15). A seared conscience is a conscience that ceases to feel: shame,guilt, or remorse.The story ends well because the prodigal son repented of his sin, asked forgiveness and apparently after he got home didn't go out and do the same thing over again. Often times someone has to reach bottom before they can get back to the top. Sometimes God uses harsh measures to get someone's attention because of the way they are living, but He has them where He wants them to be--on the road to repentance,renewal and forgiveness.
Question? Why do you think the prodigal son's father gave him the money? #1 because he loved his son and just wanted him to have his inheritance even if he squandered it. Note! The money/property was the father's to give or not to give--- it belonged to him. He didn't have to give the son anything #2 the answer is in verse 24 " For this son of mine was dead and is alive again;he was lost and is found" The father wasn't sure if he would ever see his son again-- alive; knowing what the son was going to do with the money, but wanted his son to have the opportunity "to come to his senses or come to the end of his rope" in order to grow up and "find himself" even though he was lost. The prodigal son apparently didn't know who he was as a child of the living God. The father didn't know if his son was alive or dead. The father obviously knew his son's intentions. The older brother did--- probably because his younger brother told him before he left exactly what he was going to do with the money. The father expected him to wind up broke,hungry and maybe starve to death or die as a result of his sinful behavior. He did, however; hope that his son would survive and return a different man, with a different attitude and a more mature understanding of his relationship with God and his father. His prayers were answered.
As noted earlier, a parent's "Unconditional love" may also sometimes require "Tough Love" by not becoming involved in the life of a wayward "adult" grown child. By allowing them to "come to their senses" on their own and to seek repentance and forgiveness so they can understand the consequences of wrong choices and then be restored to the family and the path that God has for them. "Tough Love" might mean allowing them to remain in jail if they get arrested, not to give them money to help them out of a financial jam if they are in debt, not to fix their wrecked car because of a DWI, not to buy them clothes or anything else so they are able to continue in their rebellious, sinful life style. If you continue to support them,cloth them,feed them,help every time they get in trouble,etc.--- why would they want to repent or change the way they live? You are financing their chaotic life style.
Is it God's will that you allow the unrepentant rebellious older child to return to your home or come and go at will without any discipline, rebuke, consequences or ground rules? Remember----God is not a God of chaos or confusion and does not tolerate sin. Is it God's will for your family that you allow the child who is continuing to sin to bring sin into your home, into your life and open the door for Satan to enter. Satan only has authority over what you allow him to do in your life. Joshua 24:15 "But as for me and my house we will serve the Lord" At what point in your life as a parent does your responsibility for being a parent end? At what point in your life as a parent do you stop directing, guiding or protecting your child? Does a parent ever stop being a parent? Even if you can't speak into their life and they don't want your advice, opinions, suggestions or help----- do you quit being a parent? Do you just ignore the sin, say nothing, do nothing, and continue to live as a family avoiding the subject? (like the proverbial elephant in the living room) Aren't you treating them by your omission no different than the way the world treats them by agreeing with the sin in their life. (Romans 12:2 "Do not be conformed to this world,.....") As a parent, as a "Born Again" Chrisitian, you know that the life style they are living is not spiritually healthy( and may also not be physically or mentally healthy) and their ultimate destination for all eternity is hell unless they accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior. Of course, as a parent you love your child. You never stopped loving them,but is just loving them,being kind,being understanding enough---To help them turn their life around and show them to Jesus. Naturally, you should continue to pray for them and intercede to God for them. Remember, no matter how they act---they will expect you to love them anyway because you are their parent! They expect"Unconditional Love". Should a child no matter how old always honor their father and mother? (Exodus 20:12) Doesn't honoring your mother and father mean obedience and respect? (Proverbs 23:22-25,Proverbs 15:5, Matthew 15:4-6, Colossians 3:20, Hebrews 12:9-11, Ephesians 6:1-3, Leviticus 19:1) As one of the ten commandments of God if a child is not obedient or respectful isn't that sin? ( Ist John 2:4 ,2nd Timothy 3:1-17)
Just as Faith apart from works is dead ( James 2:14-26) so to love without action is merely empty words/lip service. The phrase "I love you" means absolutely nothing without evidence of that love. What is love? According to 1st Corinthians 13:4-7 "Love is patient,love is kind. Love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; It is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongs,but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things,believes all things, hopes all things,endures all things." 1st Corinthians 13:13 "There are three things that remain--- faith,hope and love--and the greatest of these is love." Colossians 3:14 " And above all these put on love which binds everything together in perfect harmony."
As parents we must make our children understand that Loving them by feeding them, clothing them, providing shelter and an education is indeed our responsibility ,but also just as important is protecting them from harm and that means their physical and spiritual safety. Their spiritual well being is paramount in their growth and maturity as an individual. They must be made to understand that our love as parents includes protecting them at times--- even from themselves. They must understand that along with all the things noted in Corinthians our love also includes:discipline, tough love, punishment, and sometimes even to allow them to come to the "end of their rope". The ability to love as a parent takes daily attention and commitment. A good parent tells his children the truth even if it isn't what they want to hear. According to scripture, God expects parents to raise up their children to serve him. Parents will answer to God for every child He entrusts to their care. In addition, it is also a parent's responsibility to train their children to obey them and train them to show respect. Proverbs 22:6 " Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old,he will not depart from it." Ephesians 6:4 "And ye fathers,provoke not your children to wrath,but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." If your child is not a Christian, not saved, doesn't know Jesus----it is never to late to start--even if they are adults. No matter what their behavior is now , Jesus is their hope.God's word is never proclaimed in vain. If you ignore the fact that your child needs Jesus and don't point him in that direction--your holidays and family get togethers might be easier,but their eternity won't be. Don't ignore the unbelief, the sin or evil in their life and pretend with time it will go away because you love them. Remember! Your love or even the fear of God didn't stop them from committing the sin and choosing the life style they are in.
In Luke 5:27-32,Mark 2:13-17 and Matt. 9:9-12 scripture notes that Jesus ate with tax collectors,scribes and others who were all noted to be sinners. When asked by the Pharisees why he ate with sinners. Jesus answered," I have not come to call the righteous,but sinners." He also said," Those who are well have no need of a physician,but those who are sick."
Even though some people might erroneously try to use this scripture to justify "Born Again" Christian participation with sinners in purely social settings it is not recorded in the Bible for that purpose.This scripture can not be used as evidence of God's "Unconditional Love" for sinners to justify Christians socializing or partying with sinners solely to eat a meal,attend a social gathering or get together.
In John 2:1-11, Jesus attended a wedding at Cana with his disciples. He performed His first miracle there to show that He was indeed God manifest in the flesh. In Luke 7:36-50, Jesus attended a dinner at Simon the Pharisee's house( a sinner) where He again showed that He was God by forgiving the woman who was a prostitute her sins. Jesus never attended a social function with sinners just to eat a meal or socialize with them.
As Christians,followers of Christ, scripture notes that we should be "in" the world,but not "of" the world and that we should be separate and apart from the things of the world. Yes, the world is full of sinners and we are suppose to witness to them,but that doesn't have to include participating in their worldly functions, activities or way of life. Scripture says that as Christians we shouldn't even give the appearance of being involved in something that would cause believers to stumble or give unbelievers a reason to say that Christians are hypocrites and no different from the world. We are suppose to honor God in ALL we say and do.
The following is a detailed explanation and systematic review of what happened in Luke 5:27-32. Jesus was invited by Matthew (Levi) who had recently become a follower of Jesus. Jesus was asked to attend a feast or banquet by Matthew at his house to introduce Jesus to his friends and associates.He wanted them to meet Jesus. Matthew only had sinners as friends so only sinners were there. He invited his fellow tax collectors who were considered by the Jews as enemies of the Jewish people, as crooks and as thieves. Others who were invited by Matthew were also considered by the Pharisees to be sinners.
Jesus did not initiate the banquet or organize it. He did not go there for self edification, self gratification or for people to know him as a great rabbi (teacher) or prophet. He used the occasion as always to call men to the truth, and holiness. His statement to the Pharisees answers the question "why" he was there. He didn't attend merely to listen to the conversation of the unsaved, or just to be polite and friendly. He was there to tell them about salvation ,repentance and forgiveness. Jesus didn't isolate himself from sinners,but he didn't associate with them just to win their approval. By attending the get together, Jesus never indulged in their sinful ways or compromised his testimony. Jesus didn't go to a sports bar to have a few beers with some unsaved people to eat a meal and watch a football game or other sports event. He didn't attend a luncheon with sinners to get noticed by the community or the Pharisees as a "holy man". He didn't show up to promote a recent book he wrote or to start an eating program at his church. He was there to win men's souls. Jesus was not there to just "socialize" with sinners.He was not there merely to rub shoulders with the unsaved and just pass the time of day. Jesus' ministry was to save the lost. Jesus loved sinners,but hated sin.
As Christians we should seek to befriend the unsaved, the ungodly or sinners in order to introduce them to to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. This includes relatives, extended family and unsaved "adult" children. In befriending them we should not do anything that would compromise our witness or testimony.We should also not allow the unsaved to talk us into a fruitless argument or debate about our faith, the Bible or Jesus. You are there to influence them, not to be influenced by them. Listening to meaningless chatter is not a reason to attend a gathering of the unsaved at a social function. Scripture says that it serves no purpose to become involved in foolish arguments or debates,but we should be available as an approved student in or out of season to defend our faith.(2nd Timothy 4:2) We should take the initiative in guiding the conversation into positive channels of spiritual helpfulness.
Yes, Jesus ate with sinners and we should follow His example when witnessing to sinners over a cup of coffee or a meal, but that doesn't involve socializing with the unsaved to just eat or visit.(As noted by Jesus' answer to the Pharisees) Also, any help you provide to befriend a sinner should always point them to Jesus.
In legal terms a witness, is someone who testifies with personal knowledge to what they have seen, heard or had actually experienced ( had happen to them). In religious terms, a witness is someone who is a Christian that testifies or gives their testimony(personal knowledge) to what Jesus has done in their life. In addition,how their life has changed as a result of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, by accepting Jesus as their Lord and Savior and how they have received forgiveness of their sins and eternal salvation. Witnessing can include: actions,deeds and/or verbal testimony. Your witness is basically your daily life---how your life witnesses to the fact that you are a follower of Jesus Christ. As someone once said "If you were accused of being a "Christian" would there be enough evidence to prove it." External behavior(doing or not doing something) is not the answer to providing evidence. Proof doesn't involve being legalistic or adhering to a particular theological doctrine. Jesus said that the evidence that the world will recognize is the love that Christians have for one another.John 13:34-35, Ist Corinthians 13:1-3, Galatians 5:22 Loving your fellow "Born Again" Christian involves thought, word and deed. It includes your motives,your attitudes, and your inner spirit man. You also, however; need to identify those that are Christians in name only and false religions that claim to be Christian. Jesus said to be wary of such as these. Matthew 10:16, Matthew 10:16-42.
As noted earlier the unsaved also includes family and relatives. With relatives and family if Christ is left out of Christmas then all you have is a secular holiday involving Christmas lights,gift giving and eating. If Jesus is omitted at Thanksgiving then all you have is another man made tradition,secular holiday or gathering for eating. At Easter, if Jesus is not glorified and honored, then again all you have is a secular holiday for buying Easter eggs, baskets of chocolate candy, Easter bunnies and eating. If family gatherings, barbecues,or birthday parties don't include Jesus then why are you there----if Jesus wasn't invited? If you don't bring him, who will?
How will you be seen differently from the unsaved if your testimony is diminished because you are influenced by family? Mark 8:38 states, "For whoever is ashamed of me and my work in this adulterous and sinful generation of him will the Son of Man also be ashamed when He comes in glory of His Father with the holy angels." In Matthew 12:30 and Luke 11:23 Jesus said." Whoever is not with me is against me and anyone who is not working with me is actually working against me." There is no neutrality in the spiritual realm. You are either serving God or serving Satan. There can be no "in between". Jesus said that he did not come to bring peace to the earth ,but fire and a sword, that he did not come to bring peace to the earth,but division. He said that even in a man's family that his own children would rebel against his authority as a father and that division within a family will happen where a son would be against his father, a daughter against her mother,etc. Luke 12:49-53.,Matthew 10:34, Matthew 10:36 states "A man's enemies will be the enemies of his own household." As a Christian you may even be hated by your own family because of the salvation message which includes calling people from darkness into the light and because the message of Jesus Christ exposes the sin and evil deeds in their life.
As a "Born Again" Christian who is also a parent your "Unconditional Love" for your child that is not saved must include the reality that no matter how much you love him--he may not return that love(even though it is not a requirement of your love for him) because you have exposed the sin in his life and have taken a stand for God against the control that Satan has over his life. Always remember who you are "in" Christ and that all things are possible with God on your side.
God's "Unconditional Love" is unconditional because He first loved us. God's love is a love that initates; it is never a response. He initiated His love for us so there is nothing we can do to gain His love, earn His love or deserve it because of our works or righteouness. Again as noted earlier God's love for us is a "sacrifical" love.( John 3:16) Before we were born and while we were yet sinners He sacrificed His only Son for us. Do parents love their child/children? Yes,of course, but their love (even before the child is born) is not God's "Unconditional Love". Parental "Unconditional Love" is human not Godly. The two are not the same? When you tell a child that Jesus loves them and that Father God loves them it is not the same as telling them that Mom or Dad loves them. God's love is the highest form of love. First, because God is love! And also because His very nature is love and the expression of His being. Human beings (Mothers and fathers) are mortal not devine by nature or godly. They also are not perfect and make mistakes.
A parent's love is characterized by a will to protect their child, keep him/her safe,care for him/her, and nurture him/her. A parent's love is giving,trusting and sharing. A parent's "Unconditional Love" does not mean agreement with your child's actions. It does not mean forgoing discipline because loving your child means correcting them by directing them into positive/right behaviors. Discipline will help them improve their character and help them develop self control. (Proverbs 13:24, Proverbs 22:15, Proverbs 19:18.)
Don't confuse " Parental Unconditional love" with being judgmental, with parental guidance or parental correction. You are not judging their behavior,but using discipline as a teaching tool to guide them. Reaffirming your love for them through discipline or guidance is also not punishment. You are not punishing them,but giving them positive reinforcement that you care for them,want the best of them and want them to be safe and not get hurt or injured. Parental "Unconditional Love" does not condemn the child's wrong actions, but lovingly leads them back to the path that God wants them to follow.
A parent's "Unconditional Love" includes tough love at times because a strong dose of tough love may be the appropriate recourse to help someone get off the road of destruction they are on especially if they have been on it for sometime. (Of course, using tough love is usually in the case of older children---17,18,19, 20 yrs old or older.) Also when we shield loved ones from the consequences of their errors by omission or equivocation we often deprive them of the opportunity for the growth and maturity that could possibly eradicate their problematic behavior. Sometimes in the case of older children by allowing them to continue in their behavior without parental interference or parental help forces them to seek repentance and forgiveness when they have no one else to turn to and come to a realization of the wrong choices they have made.If the life style they are living no longer has any incentives for them to continue living a rebellious or sinful life then there may be an opportunity for you as a parent to save them from themselves. (Hebrews 12:11) In some cases, allowing them to reach the end of their rope and discovering for themselves that wrong choices do affect their lives may be the right course of action depending on the severity of those choices.( Tough love isn't easy for parents and they must be ready to apply it without hesitation when the situation demands such action).
The action a parent takes depends on the age of the child. When a child is 2 yrs old, 5 yrs old, or 8 or 9 years old a spanking may be the appropriate method of discipline. Along with other measures if necessary. "Time Out" should not be an option if you just send them to their room where they have TV, toys, a computer, DVD's, CD's,etc. "Time Out" should mean sitting still on a chair, on the floor ,in a corner,etc., doing nothing except thinking about what they did and why it was wrong. Of course, you have already explained why they are going to "Time Out" and You decide when "Time out" is over NOT the child.
When a child becomes a teenager, 13-17, spankings or corporal discipline may not be appropriate any more and other measures must be applied such as: revoking certain privileges, limiting outside(outside the home or school) involvement in certain functions or activities ( going to football games, sports events,karate lessons, dancing school, soccer practice, etc.) requiring additonal chores ( cleaning the bathroom, putting out the garbage,etc) or temporarily eliminating specific things from their daily routine that they enjoyed doing.( eating pizza, watching TV, using the computer,using a cell phone,etc). There are any number of alternative methods.
When the child is a young adult (18 to 20) and still living at home discipline may involve not allowing them access to a family car(other than necessary travel to and from a required destination i.e. school or work), not helping them financially with providing funds,( no allowance, no funds for entertainment--videos, DVD's, music CD's, going to the movies,etc.) requiring they attend church counseling or Bible based counseling for their specific behavior,etc. You could also require them to do community service by working at a shelter serving the homeless food ,working in the Church nursery, helping the elderly at a nursing home,etc.
If they have left home, moved into an apartment on their own, moved away to another town or state,but have become involved in negative and/or unchristian behaviors you can offer to help them yourself or get them help--- especially if it involves health concerns.( STDs--- Sexually Transmitted Diseases,alcoholism, drug addiction,etc) If they don't want or need your help---just pray for them, remind them that sin has consequences and that they can always come home.Try speaking into their lives and always point them to Jesus for salvation and the Bible for answers. A parental rebuke is also important to make them understand how serious a matter their sin is and what it has done to your relationship. Of course, the rebuke should be done in a loving caring way. If they want to return home--- welcome them,but depending on their behavior (if they are continuing to live in a sinful life style and have not repented or asked God for forgiveness) then you must lay down some requirements or ground rules for them to live in your house and they have to be aware that their consent or agreement is required in order to move back in. Such requirements or ground rules may consist of : no drugs, no smoking, no alcohol. They can't bring any friends over to your house that are doing drugs, drinking, smoking or involved in criminal activity,etc. If they agree to those terms and they appear to be open to changing their life style you could also suggest that they attend Christian counseling. In addition, unless they are attending school full time : a trade school,community college,etc. they should have a full time job. They can't sit home,watch TV, have friends over to eat your food and do nothing. It is Your house and you are a Parent not their roommate or buddy. Of course don't ever give them money to support their habit--- whatever it is: drinking, drugs. gambling, porn,etc. Don't become a co dependent by funding their addiction or sinful life style. Unless and until they have proven that they are financially responsible also do not loan them any money or co sign for anything.
Parental "Unconditional Love" does not mean that you lower YOUR standards for your child. It does not mean making excuses for your child's behavior or allowing them to continue in the negative/wrong behavior without discipline. Don't try to be a friend to your child they need a parent ---- not a buddy.
Parental "Unconditional Love" does not mean that by rejecting your child's behavior that you are rejecting the child. It doesn't mean lowering your expectations, but instead expecting consideration, respect, honesty, and responsibility from them. Parental "Unconditional Love" does not mean blindly accepting excuses or lies for your child's negative patterns of behavior.
Even though God's "Unconditional Love" and "Parental Unconditional Love" are not the same, they do have some things in common. God's "Unconditional Love" for mankind is not a license for people to live in sin and disobedience. A parent's "Unconditional love" for a child is also not a license to sin or to be disobedient.
Many youth (teenagers) and "adult" children(21 or older) wrongly assume that because their mother and father love them and will always love them no matter what they do---- that they can do whatever they want to do. They think God feels the same way since--- He is love.
Just as God's "Unconditional Love" includes: discipline, judgement and punishment so too a parent's " Unconditional love" at times may also include: discipline,judgment and punishment.( Habakkuk 1:3, Luke 11:23, Proverbs 1:8, 10 Proverbs 1:23-31 Proverbs 12:1)
Through out the Bible from Genesis to Revelation there are numerous examples of God's discipline judgment and punishment. God's "Unconditional Love" is for everyone just as His offer of salvation; however, in order to BE loved, to feel God's love you must first accept His love. It is there waiting for you. You only have to acknowledge it to receive it.Just as His salvation is a "free" gift that you can't earn,buy or work for--- so is His love. To receive His salvation, to be saved, you only have to accept the offer and acknowledge Jesus as your Lord and Savior. Belief in Him! (is the only requirement) With God's love ---first you must believe there is a God. Then believe that He alone is the God of the Bible,(there are no other gods) you can know Him through His word (the Bible) and have a relationship him.
Everyone is familiar with the parable of the sower and the seed. (Mark chapter 4:1-20.) The parable teaches many things,but it notes that not everyone will be saved, that not everyone will be accepted by God to go to heaven or have their names written in the Lamb's Book of Life. It teaches that not everyone will accept God's "Unconditional Love ' for themselves. Therefore, even though God's "Unconditional Love" is available for everyone doesn't mean that just because God loves everyone that they will automatically go to heaven.
His love for Adam and Eve didn't prevent Him from casting them out of the Garden. His love didn't protect Samson when he sinned against God or stop Him from punishing the Nation of Israel when they committed idolatry and disobedience. God's " Unconditional Love" doesn't prevent the consequences of sin from happening. Throughout the Bible: Samson, Saul, David ,Adam, suffered from the wrong choices that they made. Their disobedience and self will,selfishness,brought painful results--including death. Scripture states that God will not be mocked. An individual can not lead a sinful life,continually sin,
and expect blessings from God. Luke 11:23 states "He who is not with me is against me."
In the parable of the woman caught in adultery (John Chapter 8:1-11) ,Jesus did not say she wasn't guilty of sin, He did not excuse the sin or overlook it. He said" Neither do I condemn you; go, and do NOT sin again." Her accusers were gone. Under Jewish law it took at least two witnesses to testify against the accused, no one came forward--so no one was there as a witness. Under Jewish law both the man and the woman were to be stoned to death if found guilty,but the Scribes and Pharisees didn't bring the man--- so the law was not followed in charging just her with adultery. That's why Jesus said " Neither do I condemn you...." not because she wasn't guilty or had not sinned,but because the law had not been followed civilly she was not guilty. He didn't pardon her sin as a civil authority. But He did tell her NOT to sin any more. He didn't say, "ok, woman you got off this time just don't get caught again. And because of God's "Unconditional Love" go and sin a few more times--- then stop."
In the parable of the Prodigal Son ( Luke 15:11-32) the youngest son in the family decides that he wants his inheritance now instead of waiting. He takes all of his money leaves the country and spends all the money on wine ,women and riotous living. Scripture says he spent it on " parties and prostitutes". After spending all his money and coming to the end of himself, scripture notes a great famine had struck and he had nothing to eat. He finally got a job feeding pigs and was so hungry that even the pig food looked good enough for him to eat,but no one even gave him that. It was then when he had reached the depths of his despair that he "came to his senses" He repented of his sins against God and his father and asked for forgiveness. He decided to return home even if he had to work as a slave or hired servant in his father's house.
The parable is about many things including: restoration,salvation, compassion, mercy and forgiveness. It is also about God allowing the prodigal son to use his "free will" to choose to sin and walk away from everything good and righteous his father had taught him. God's "Unconditional Love" does not force those He loves to act rightly because they have to, but because they love Him want to please Him. The wayward, rebellious son wasted his life in sinning against God and his father until things got so bad that he had come to the end of his rope. He was starving to death. God's "Unconditional Love" didn't protect the prodigal son from himself. He willfully chose to ignore what he had been taught. God's "Unconditional Love" doesn't stop someone from ignoring their conscience (knowing right from wrong) and rebelling against God. Scripture says that God will not contend with man forever (Genesis 6:3, Romans 1:24-32,Romans 2:5-8) that people who continually, knowingly, willfully sin will receive a seared conscience ( it no longer functions to warn them what is right from wrong) and that their hearts will be hardened against the things of God. (1 Timothy 4:2 and Romans 2:15). A seared conscience is a conscience that ceases to feel: shame,guilt, or remorse.The story ends well because the prodigal son repented of his sin, asked forgiveness and apparently after he got home didn't go out and do the same thing over again. Often times someone has to reach bottom before they can get back to the top. Sometimes God uses harsh measures to get someone's attention because of the way they are living, but He has them where He wants them to be--on the road to repentance,renewal and forgiveness.
Question? Why do you think the prodigal son's father gave him the money? #1 because he loved his son and just wanted him to have his inheritance even if he squandered it. Note! The money/property was the father's to give or not to give--- it belonged to him. He didn't have to give the son anything #2 the answer is in verse 24 " For this son of mine was dead and is alive again;he was lost and is found" The father wasn't sure if he would ever see his son again-- alive; knowing what the son was going to do with the money, but wanted his son to have the opportunity "to come to his senses or come to the end of his rope" in order to grow up and "find himself" even though he was lost. The prodigal son apparently didn't know who he was as a child of the living God. The father didn't know if his son was alive or dead. The father obviously knew his son's intentions. The older brother did--- probably because his younger brother told him before he left exactly what he was going to do with the money. The father expected him to wind up broke,hungry and maybe starve to death or die as a result of his sinful behavior. He did, however; hope that his son would survive and return a different man, with a different attitude and a more mature understanding of his relationship with God and his father. His prayers were answered.
As noted earlier, a parent's "Unconditional love" may also sometimes require "Tough Love" by not becoming involved in the life of a wayward "adult" grown child. By allowing them to "come to their senses" on their own and to seek repentance and forgiveness so they can understand the consequences of wrong choices and then be restored to the family and the path that God has for them. "Tough Love" might mean allowing them to remain in jail if they get arrested, not to give them money to help them out of a financial jam if they are in debt, not to fix their wrecked car because of a DWI, not to buy them clothes or anything else so they are able to continue in their rebellious, sinful life style. If you continue to support them,cloth them,feed them,help every time they get in trouble,etc.--- why would they want to repent or change the way they live? You are financing their chaotic life style.
Is it God's will that you allow the unrepentant rebellious older child to return to your home or come and go at will without any discipline, rebuke, consequences or ground rules? Remember----God is not a God of chaos or confusion and does not tolerate sin. Is it God's will for your family that you allow the child who is continuing to sin to bring sin into your home, into your life and open the door for Satan to enter. Satan only has authority over what you allow him to do in your life. Joshua 24:15 "But as for me and my house we will serve the Lord" At what point in your life as a parent does your responsibility for being a parent end? At what point in your life as a parent do you stop directing, guiding or protecting your child? Does a parent ever stop being a parent? Even if you can't speak into their life and they don't want your advice, opinions, suggestions or help----- do you quit being a parent? Do you just ignore the sin, say nothing, do nothing, and continue to live as a family avoiding the subject? (like the proverbial elephant in the living room) Aren't you treating them by your omission no different than the way the world treats them by agreeing with the sin in their life. (Romans 12:2 "Do not be conformed to this world,.....") As a parent, as a "Born Again" Chrisitian, you know that the life style they are living is not spiritually healthy( and may also not be physically or mentally healthy) and their ultimate destination for all eternity is hell unless they accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior. Of course, as a parent you love your child. You never stopped loving them,but is just loving them,being kind,being understanding enough---To help them turn their life around and show them to Jesus. Naturally, you should continue to pray for them and intercede to God for them. Remember, no matter how they act---they will expect you to love them anyway because you are their parent! They expect"Unconditional Love". Should a child no matter how old always honor their father and mother? (Exodus 20:12) Doesn't honoring your mother and father mean obedience and respect? (Proverbs 23:22-25,Proverbs 15:5, Matthew 15:4-6, Colossians 3:20, Hebrews 12:9-11, Ephesians 6:1-3, Leviticus 19:1) As one of the ten commandments of God if a child is not obedient or respectful isn't that sin? ( Ist John 2:4 ,2nd Timothy 3:1-17)
Just as Faith apart from works is dead ( James 2:14-26) so to love without action is merely empty words/lip service. The phrase "I love you" means absolutely nothing without evidence of that love. What is love? According to 1st Corinthians 13:4-7 "Love is patient,love is kind. Love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; It is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongs,but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things,believes all things, hopes all things,endures all things." 1st Corinthians 13:13 "There are three things that remain--- faith,hope and love--and the greatest of these is love." Colossians 3:14 " And above all these put on love which binds everything together in perfect harmony."
As parents we must make our children understand that Loving them by feeding them, clothing them, providing shelter and an education is indeed our responsibility ,but also just as important is protecting them from harm and that means their physical and spiritual safety. Their spiritual well being is paramount in their growth and maturity as an individual. They must be made to understand that our love as parents includes protecting them at times--- even from themselves. They must understand that along with all the things noted in Corinthians our love also includes:discipline, tough love, punishment, and sometimes even to allow them to come to the "end of their rope". The ability to love as a parent takes daily attention and commitment. A good parent tells his children the truth even if it isn't what they want to hear. According to scripture, God expects parents to raise up their children to serve him. Parents will answer to God for every child He entrusts to their care. In addition, it is also a parent's responsibility to train their children to obey them and train them to show respect. Proverbs 22:6 " Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old,he will not depart from it." Ephesians 6:4 "And ye fathers,provoke not your children to wrath,but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." If your child is not a Christian, not saved, doesn't know Jesus----it is never to late to start--even if they are adults. No matter what their behavior is now , Jesus is their hope.God's word is never proclaimed in vain. If you ignore the fact that your child needs Jesus and don't point him in that direction--your holidays and family get togethers might be easier,but their eternity won't be. Don't ignore the unbelief, the sin or evil in their life and pretend with time it will go away because you love them. Remember! Your love or even the fear of God didn't stop them from committing the sin and choosing the life style they are in.
In Luke 5:27-32,Mark 2:13-17 and Matt. 9:9-12 scripture notes that Jesus ate with tax collectors,scribes and others who were all noted to be sinners. When asked by the Pharisees why he ate with sinners. Jesus answered," I have not come to call the righteous,but sinners." He also said," Those who are well have no need of a physician,but those who are sick."
Even though some people might erroneously try to use this scripture to justify "Born Again" Christian participation with sinners in purely social settings it is not recorded in the Bible for that purpose.This scripture can not be used as evidence of God's "Unconditional Love" for sinners to justify Christians socializing or partying with sinners solely to eat a meal,attend a social gathering or get together.
In John 2:1-11, Jesus attended a wedding at Cana with his disciples. He performed His first miracle there to show that He was indeed God manifest in the flesh. In Luke 7:36-50, Jesus attended a dinner at Simon the Pharisee's house( a sinner) where He again showed that He was God by forgiving the woman who was a prostitute her sins. Jesus never attended a social function with sinners just to eat a meal or socialize with them.
As Christians,followers of Christ, scripture notes that we should be "in" the world,but not "of" the world and that we should be separate and apart from the things of the world. Yes, the world is full of sinners and we are suppose to witness to them,but that doesn't have to include participating in their worldly functions, activities or way of life. Scripture says that as Christians we shouldn't even give the appearance of being involved in something that would cause believers to stumble or give unbelievers a reason to say that Christians are hypocrites and no different from the world. We are suppose to honor God in ALL we say and do.
The following is a detailed explanation and systematic review of what happened in Luke 5:27-32. Jesus was invited by Matthew (Levi) who had recently become a follower of Jesus. Jesus was asked to attend a feast or banquet by Matthew at his house to introduce Jesus to his friends and associates.He wanted them to meet Jesus. Matthew only had sinners as friends so only sinners were there. He invited his fellow tax collectors who were considered by the Jews as enemies of the Jewish people, as crooks and as thieves. Others who were invited by Matthew were also considered by the Pharisees to be sinners.
Jesus did not initiate the banquet or organize it. He did not go there for self edification, self gratification or for people to know him as a great rabbi (teacher) or prophet. He used the occasion as always to call men to the truth, and holiness. His statement to the Pharisees answers the question "why" he was there. He didn't attend merely to listen to the conversation of the unsaved, or just to be polite and friendly. He was there to tell them about salvation ,repentance and forgiveness. Jesus didn't isolate himself from sinners,but he didn't associate with them just to win their approval. By attending the get together, Jesus never indulged in their sinful ways or compromised his testimony. Jesus didn't go to a sports bar to have a few beers with some unsaved people to eat a meal and watch a football game or other sports event. He didn't attend a luncheon with sinners to get noticed by the community or the Pharisees as a "holy man". He didn't show up to promote a recent book he wrote or to start an eating program at his church. He was there to win men's souls. Jesus was not there to just "socialize" with sinners.He was not there merely to rub shoulders with the unsaved and just pass the time of day. Jesus' ministry was to save the lost. Jesus loved sinners,but hated sin.
As Christians we should seek to befriend the unsaved, the ungodly or sinners in order to introduce them to to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. This includes relatives, extended family and unsaved "adult" children. In befriending them we should not do anything that would compromise our witness or testimony.We should also not allow the unsaved to talk us into a fruitless argument or debate about our faith, the Bible or Jesus. You are there to influence them, not to be influenced by them. Listening to meaningless chatter is not a reason to attend a gathering of the unsaved at a social function. Scripture says that it serves no purpose to become involved in foolish arguments or debates,but we should be available as an approved student in or out of season to defend our faith.(2nd Timothy 4:2) We should take the initiative in guiding the conversation into positive channels of spiritual helpfulness.
Yes, Jesus ate with sinners and we should follow His example when witnessing to sinners over a cup of coffee or a meal, but that doesn't involve socializing with the unsaved to just eat or visit.(As noted by Jesus' answer to the Pharisees) Also, any help you provide to befriend a sinner should always point them to Jesus.
In legal terms a witness, is someone who testifies with personal knowledge to what they have seen, heard or had actually experienced ( had happen to them). In religious terms, a witness is someone who is a Christian that testifies or gives their testimony(personal knowledge) to what Jesus has done in their life. In addition,how their life has changed as a result of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, by accepting Jesus as their Lord and Savior and how they have received forgiveness of their sins and eternal salvation. Witnessing can include: actions,deeds and/or verbal testimony. Your witness is basically your daily life---how your life witnesses to the fact that you are a follower of Jesus Christ. As someone once said "If you were accused of being a "Christian" would there be enough evidence to prove it." External behavior(doing or not doing something) is not the answer to providing evidence. Proof doesn't involve being legalistic or adhering to a particular theological doctrine. Jesus said that the evidence that the world will recognize is the love that Christians have for one another.John 13:34-35, Ist Corinthians 13:1-3, Galatians 5:22 Loving your fellow "Born Again" Christian involves thought, word and deed. It includes your motives,your attitudes, and your inner spirit man. You also, however; need to identify those that are Christians in name only and false religions that claim to be Christian. Jesus said to be wary of such as these. Matthew 10:16, Matthew 10:16-42.
As noted earlier the unsaved also includes family and relatives. With relatives and family if Christ is left out of Christmas then all you have is a secular holiday involving Christmas lights,gift giving and eating. If Jesus is omitted at Thanksgiving then all you have is another man made tradition,secular holiday or gathering for eating. At Easter, if Jesus is not glorified and honored, then again all you have is a secular holiday for buying Easter eggs, baskets of chocolate candy, Easter bunnies and eating. If family gatherings, barbecues,or birthday parties don't include Jesus then why are you there----if Jesus wasn't invited? If you don't bring him, who will?
How will you be seen differently from the unsaved if your testimony is diminished because you are influenced by family? Mark 8:38 states, "For whoever is ashamed of me and my work in this adulterous and sinful generation of him will the Son of Man also be ashamed when He comes in glory of His Father with the holy angels." In Matthew 12:30 and Luke 11:23 Jesus said." Whoever is not with me is against me and anyone who is not working with me is actually working against me." There is no neutrality in the spiritual realm. You are either serving God or serving Satan. There can be no "in between". Jesus said that he did not come to bring peace to the earth ,but fire and a sword, that he did not come to bring peace to the earth,but division. He said that even in a man's family that his own children would rebel against his authority as a father and that division within a family will happen where a son would be against his father, a daughter against her mother,etc. Luke 12:49-53.,Matthew 10:34, Matthew 10:36 states "A man's enemies will be the enemies of his own household." As a Christian you may even be hated by your own family because of the salvation message which includes calling people from darkness into the light and because the message of Jesus Christ exposes the sin and evil deeds in their life.
As a "Born Again" Christian who is also a parent your "Unconditional Love" for your child that is not saved must include the reality that no matter how much you love him--he may not return that love(even though it is not a requirement of your love for him) because you have exposed the sin in his life and have taken a stand for God against the control that Satan has over his life. Always remember who you are "in" Christ and that all things are possible with God on your side.
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